finding my way back


I feel as if I have been wandering aimlessly for months. Led astray without a second thought. It usually isn’t until the ground collapses beneath your feet when you recognize what you’ve been without. And how I’ve missed Him so.

On your spiritual walk, to be in a good place in your life is more dangerous than to be in a difficult one. When things are good, you feel good. But then pride sinks in. We think we can live without God, that we’ve got everything figured out. I don’t need help, because things are consistently good. I’m doing such a good job. Maybe I don’t need God. God loves me to shower me with blessings, so I can cruise. All those positive thoughts mask you from the reality of our human condition: we cannot function in all the ways we need without God. Funny enough, it’s only when things start to break down from happy neglect that we are reminded (yet again) of our deep need of Him.

Various aspects of my life were going well and I was in that good place. But as things begun to break down, it was as if I woke from a months-long slumber. Like someone, or I, placed the snooze button on in my life, and God was throwing ice cold water on my face. He has a tendency to do that. But I saw that He was not doing that out of malice, but ultimately out of love. He loves me too much to allow me to sleep, and not fight for my life… to not live with passion and chase after my purpose. As the blurriness cleared from my vision, I saw God standing over me, His hand outstretched, His eyes gentle and forgiving. Walk with me. You must continue your purpose.

I started to cry as soon as I recognized how I’ve been walking along my path without him. That was why I was feeling so aimless. I was neither hungry or thirsty, so it was even harder for me to see; I was shrouded by too much worldly good. Thanksgiving rolled around, and I reflected on all the good people and things in my life, but I gave no thought to God. Yet rather than turn away from me, He reaches out to me with love, wills me to not go astray. He reminds me of my deep-seeded need for His guidance and love, and pulls me back into His embrace. God has given us each a thriving purpose that he desires us to work for, to fight for… just as He fights for us.

I could very well go my own way, inadvertently closer to darkness, but He loves me so much to not let me. Sometimes it takes aspects of your life to break down to realize what’s going wrong. It is God’s way to reach out to us, to show us His love, to remind us that He is there and we are not meant to go through this life alone. And in knowing that, I feel so very grateful and humbled.